David Foster Wallace and Chicago: My look back

This is going to be a stupidly indulgent post. But I hope you’ll read it in the spirit of trying to find out why David Foster Wallace – someone I have mixed feelings toward, but an ambient, unceasing attachment – could matter so much to me during my 6+ years in Chicago.

When I lived in Kentucky [1] in 2003, Facebook was not yet a thing. The analog-Windows-bookstore world that peaked in 2004 [2] was still ascending, enough so that my discovery of Wallace started with a SPIN article about The Strokes, the heavily hyped NYC band. I read it most of the way and then realized that I had seen their video [3], on Fuse in late 2001, from a couch in grandpa’s house, which had been converted to a live-in medical facility replete with oxygen tank next to the oil lamp.

“Last nite she said…” and so on. I didn’t love it and felt somehow wronged that so many magazine writers felt otherwise.  So i began researching The Strokes backlash, querying Google – still just 10 blue links  [4] – for “Strokes bad” and so on. Finally, I found a post on the obscure Last Plane to Jakarta, a pioneering blog maintained by John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats. His fake pre-review of The Strokes’ then-unreleased sophomore album waffled between light-heartedness (tuba solos!) and vague despair at the state of the indie music scene [5] (Gregg Allman as an arbiter of indie cred!). It was the crowning achievement of a weird moment in rock criticism.

Going through LPTJ’s archives, I found many of the artists and works that would become touchstones for me in the coming years. There was The Stockholm Monsters’ Alma Mater, which Darnielle labeled as the best album ever, a judgment I can almost agree to. And then, even better, his extraordinary footnoted think piece [6] on the future of rock, in which he asked “Has the editor been reading too much David Foster Wallace?”

Looking up Wallace on early 2000s Google took me to Amazon, where I saw Infinite Jest. My mom called me when she and my sister were at a Border in Louisville, KY, asking if they could pick up anything for me. Sure, I said, Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. They did so and then I started reading it. To this day I have not finished it (really have not even come close).

Wallace receded into the background when I was in Rhode Island for college. Those years were counterintuitively lean, intellectually – though I was an English and Classics major, it felt like I read less than ever before. There were infinite conversations about theory, and plenty of terrible Toni Morrison novels to read, but the love of reading that I had felt during high school and middle school seemed to be on hiatus.

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Rudderless after graduation in May 2008, I set out for Chicago to complete a short, one-yearn MA program, as a stopgap while I figured out what to do. I moved into my apartment in Hyde Park on Sept. 5, 2008. One week later, Wallace hung himself – a story I read on the NY Times website, from the last desktop computer I ever owned (I held on to it for four more never ending years as I couldn’t afford to buy anything new). When my mom called me again, I picked up my Motorola RAZR (the smartphone revolution was just underway in late 2008, but I was years away from converting) and told her about his suicide.

Suicide had been a background pressure for me for years. I knew it existed and that it was an option for the severely depressed. But its physicality – e.g., Wallace’s hanging – had not lingered in my thoughts as a counterpoint to airy imagination. I had thought of suicide as an abstract ideal during my first months in college, back in 2004 [7]. Then it went on hold, only for its deathly call-line operator to get back to me four years later, after I was finished and all moved in for grad school. Wallace was back too.

I had mom ship me that copy of Infinite Jest she and my sister had picked up for me years ago. I started to read it again, though again I couldn’t get far – this time not because of growing academic obligations as in high school, but because I soon found myself without a job after my program ended, and I had so little margin for error that it felt like I couldn’t afford to read.

I read bits and parts, though, like the passage about feeling like “shoes in a dryer” that I read on a Jackson Park Express bus from the loop to Hyde Park in late summer 2009, while I was with Marvin. That description of anxiety made my mom laugh when I recited it to her on the phone, but it created real uneasiness for me as I faced the job and apartment hunts ahead.

The rest of 2009 and 2010 were a mess of life-footnotes [8] – rejection letters, weight gains/losses, daily annoyances with insects and rodents, declining and recovering health that luckily only afflicted me at a prime age. These constant minor anxieties, put together in a large web, set me up perfectly by the time that the Pale King arrived in 2011, after I had just soldiered through an adjunct teaching position [9]. It was the last book I ever bought at Borders, at a time when I had hardly a dime to spend.

Unlike Infinite Jest, I actually finished the Pale King. I read it in Starbucks around Chicago while using free Wi-Fi to search for jobs. I remember reading a gorgeous passage while at the counter at the Irving Park Rd./Kostner Starbucks. I recall going through the suicide description near the book’s end while passing the Addison Blue Line station. The book was materially Chicago for me, in addition to actually being about Chicago and Illinois! The description of a character’s long walk to an IRS hub in the snow, the bus rides to Peoria, etc. – the book was my life during the on-edge moments of 2011.

Though it was “unfinished,” The Pale King has always been my favorite Wallace novel. I’m biased, yes. And if someone who hadn’t accrued such a reputation prior to a shocking suicide had turned in the collection of fragments that was The Pale King, it would have been insignificant, dismissed. It has such accidental realism and relevance though, for anyone who was young and confused like I was during the aftermath of the Great Recession. The chapters that go on forever and get finished, followed by the short nonsensical chapters – I like how that interplay corresponded to nonsense in real life, like pouring unbelievable effort and length into a cover letter, only to get a short curt “I didn’t read this” reply.

With all the “corny timing of real life,” as Salman Rushdie put it in The Satanic Verses [10], I got my first real job not long after I finished The Pale King. Wallace faded from memory again, although I used the book jacket as an avatar on an online Yu-Gi-Oh! forum and occasionally recommended the novel itself over Infinite Jest.

More years, more jobs, less time. Wallace seemed confined to the new red Ikea bookshelves I had set up in my place now that I could afford them. Would I have survived if I hadn’t had that respite from The Pale King, which Marvin had pointed out to me at the books display in the front of that Borders on Randolph and State (now an Old Navy)? I start crying like an idiot thinking about the jobless days when I somehow pressed on, reading about the monotony of the IRS, seeing the other extreme of the working life and wondering if my search was even worth it if I could just scrape by [11].

Finally Marvin, rescued from undocumented status and a caregiving job, became a flight attendant, while I became what I had always wanted to be while thinking of Wallace on and off in the 2000s – a writer with some control over my destiny, at least, perceived control. Suicide, though? It had been banished in the wake of finishing The Pale King and moving on and getting a job. I had the thought under control. Until it came back at the peak of success, right when I had negotiated a remote work arrangement as I looked to split my time between Chicago and NYC.

I felt so desperate and ragged, trying to adjust to the new life [12]. Enter The Broom of the System, perhaps Wallace’s most overlooked work. I haven’t started reading it yet, but it is already one of my favorite books ever due to this dedication:

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No matter what happens, this book will be one of the most important inanimate objects to me for the rest of my life. Someday, I’ll know it with that physical muscle memory that I already know The Pale King with – that easy, tangible recall that I think makes traditional books still better UX than ebooks.

It’ll be a path past boredom, since I’ll always remember him giving it to me in that tiny Manhattan apartment my brother lived in, at a time when our lives were going in contrary directions, together. It’ll be the bridge between Chicago and NYC for me. Apropos, since The Pale King, so intertwined with Chicago on both the micro and macro levels for me, was the last real Wallace novel, and now it’s like I’ve been looped back to the beginning of his oeuvre, to read his first full-fledged work. I’ve gone back in time to leave Chicago, and I never thought time travel could be this bittersweet.

[1] Lebanon, a tiny little town of about 6,000. Eighty minutes from Louisville, and a hop from the Maker’s Mark distillery.

[2] http://wp.me/p2UCQV-1XV – or, wherein I discuss the history of Above & Beyond’s podcasts

[3] The Replacements once titled an album Let It Be. I should have called this post Consider the Lobster.

[4] Google used to be like a Unix shell. That was why it was so cool in the early years.

[5] A sample:  “The rush-rush of the ride cymbal recalls the Allman Brothers at their most transcendent, and the slithering guitar-lines wed Hendrix to Malkmus and come out sounding both tortured and cruel. Any person who doesn’t make the classic air-guitar face during the song’s closing three-guitars-trading-off solo should be considered suspect and potentially dangerous. There is just too much soul in here for anyone not to hear it. ” Read the whole thing.

[6] I’ll link to his footnotes in this footnote. Classic piece.

[7] See footnote #2

[8] I like how this entry imitated Wallace’s art.

[9] I do not recommend this line of work if you can avoid it.

[10] It’s one of the funniest parts of the book: “‘Curtains,’ she thought; but her car swung and skidded out of the path of the juggernaut, slewing right across all three lanes of the motorway, all of them miraculously empty, and coming to rest with less of a thump than one might have expected against the crash barrier at the edge of the hard shoulder, after spinning through a further one hundred and eighty degrees to face, once again, into the west, where with all the corny timing of real life, the sun was breaking up the storm.”

[11] At the time, the prospect of inane declarations of “I’m too busy” felt more appealing than making a few hundred dollars a month.

[12] “New Life” is also a great Signalrunners track that I associate with my first winter in Chicago. I couldn’t find a link to it at the time of this writing, though.

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Email as a normal person problem

A problem manufactured to create solutions
Email is overrated as a normal person problem. But you would never know it from the coverage of tech journalists or the dramatic rollouts of email “solutions” like IBM Verse (18 years late to the webmail party), Google Inbox, or the recent Gmail for Android redesign. For upper-level managers and VP/C-level executives, email is almost all there is. In June 2006, Paul Graham wrote:

“If you ask eminent people what’s wrong with their lives, the first thing they’ll complain about is the lack of time. A friend of mine at Google is fairly high up in the company and went to work for them long before they went public. In other words, he’s now rich enough not to have to work. I asked him if he could still endure the annoyances of having a job, now that he didn’t have to. And he said that there weren’t really any annoyances, except—and he got a wistful look when he said this—that he got so much email.”

The real lesson here is not to be eminent, but the more obvious one is that email is a tax on “productivity.” The latter term has become so overloaded over the past century, to the point that it is now meaningless. To have email is to have problems, and to have problems is, increasingly, to have no time at all. Cue Quinn Norton:

“We multitask, we update, and we conflate status with long hours worked in no paid overtime systems for the nebulous and fantastic status of being Too Important to have Time to Ourselves, time to waste. But this incarnation of the American dream is all about doing, and nothing about doing anything good, or even thinking about what one was doing beyond how to do more of it more efficiently. It was not even the surrenders to hedonism and debauchery or greed our literary dreams have recorded before. It is a surrender to nothing, to a nothingness of lived accounting.”

Ok, so the plague of productivity, often borne by the rat of email, is obviously entrenched in U.S. workplace culture. So why did I say email was “overrated,” if it has such depressing consequences?

Because it’s just an amplifier, rather than the source, of the problem. If email didn’t exist, Facebook or Slack or something else would pick up the slack. There would be tons of clients for those services, made by top developers and designers who would have no choice but find a replacement for email. “Solving” these new media would become the topic of numerous Medium posts and Verge articles – and a key indicator that the writer/user was serious and busy.

There’s the problem. Plenty of us have already “solved” email simply by not using it. I get maybe 5 personal account emails, tops, each day, most of them auto-generated or promotional. I understand that this admission disqualifies me from being an Eminent Serious Person, but it also relieves me of a constant “problem” of sorting through stuff that by and large doesn’t matter.

Even at work, where I may get 20 emails a day, 19 of them usually require no action. I could reply to some – i.e., with “Thanks, I’ll keep this in mind” – but a lot of those responses would be political exercises. Email is a lifestyle choice, not an intractable force.

Moreover, I think a lot of people don’t care about email, in the same way that they don’t care about calendars, maps, or Microsoft Office, as Benedict Evans pointed out in a recent tweet. Through the lens of the tech press, you’d think that email was one of the top problems facing humanity today. Through the lenses of my eyes on the subway, I see every phone on Snapchat, Facebook, or a Web browser, not an email client.

So what is email good for?
Email is the price of admission to a certain segment of the culture, meant to exhaust workers and ultimately preserve the status quo. Which is too bad, since it’s a powerful enabler of thought – as long as you’re writing in drafts.

In high school – probably the peak of my email usage, since it was still a novel tool for me back then, plus it had no competition at the time – I wrote a lot of long emails that contained small plays and novellas in them. I have since found this behavior hard to replicate outside the inbox, no matter what writing tool I use.

I think the magic of email draft writing is that it feels important. This feeling is the same reason, I imagine, why so many tech writers and business executives fall over themselves about email – even when it hurts, it feels good to humblebrag about getting hundreds of messages a day and signal the status that comes with that admission. Email is literally going somewhere, after all.

Other writing media have less obvious routes to dissemination. Even a blogging CMS carries with it the implication that the post may never be read in its entirety or at all. Emailing almost guarantees an audience. That’s what makes it good for writing and excellent as an enabler of anyone hungry for attention and imagined prestige.

Facebook’s strategy revealed in creepy bus stop ad

I was going to lunch today, walking along Lake St. in Chicago to a Jimmy John’s (conveniently next to a Starbucks, where I would get a coffee afterward) and I saw a Facebook ad. No, not one of those “Save 20% on designer shoes” or “Buy Dawg Pound merchandise here” in-stream shills, but a real, physical banner on a bus stop. It looked like this:

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Kinda creepy. It was for Facebook Messenger, the app that was recently split off from Facebook proper on mobile (though you can still use all the features of Facebook together in the convenient mobile Web app) and that now has 500 million users. There’s not much Facebook branding here, really, which I think is intentional. Messenger is meant to be something as basic and habitual as text messaging or IM clients were just a few years ago. Facebook’s enormous databases – your friends, your profile, your history – are just the back-end, the magic behind the scenes.

I thought about calling this post “Facebook-as-a-service” (you can see it in the slug still) in a cheeky way, since the “as-a-service” moniker is most often applied to resources like servers and software that are delivered to customers on-demand, without the need to install anything. Messenger seems like just another app – a LINE or WhatsApp clone – but it’s being marketed as a way to do Facebook without really being “on Facebook,” i.e., scrolling through News Feed chaos. In that way, it resembles infrastructure- and software-as-a-service, which let you get more computing power and packaged applications without dealing with the mess of equipment management or software downloads.

Also, this ad is one of the only ones I’ve ever seen with a Windows Phone rectangle next to the App Store and Google Play equivalents. The sticker centerpiece is strange but overall the ad seems at least as effective as all those in-stream ones I’m missing out on by using AdBlock.

#ABGT 100

2004 seems longer ago than any other year to me, which I understand makes no sense. How can it seem longer ago than 1999, or 1991, or even 1989 – all years I remember, at least in bits and chunks? Maybe because 2004 felt like a bridge, some convergence of the analog past and the digital future. It was the year I graduated high school and started college. It was the year Facebook was invented, the peak of Windows dominance, the calm before the Apple-Google-let-me-check-my-phone storm. It was a time when there was still hope that George W. Bush wouldn’t be reelected. It was a moment at which I could feel the changes on horizon while being able to look into the past and realize how far away it would soon feel.

It was also the year that Above & Beyond launched their massively successful radio show/podcast Trance Around the World. The show ran for 450 episodes until 2012, when it was rebranded as Group Therapy, after their sophomore album. In 2004, A&B was on fire with songs like “No One On Earth” and “Satellite” (by OceanLab, the combination of A&B + Justine Suissa) that mixed drama and unshakable melodies with EDM churn. 10 years later, they’re more popular than ever – the 100th episode of Group Therapy (and the 550th episode of the radio show overall) was a live set in a sold out Madison Square Garden.

I’ve been fascinated with issues of EDM criticism and have even compiled my own list of A&B’s best singles. ABGT 100 didn’t seem like a time for critical reflection, but in the relatively quiet spot I found at the back of the floor, there was time to think. I appreciated how strands of Cygnus X were woven into Mat Zo, how Andrew Bayer unfurled one vocal masterpiece after another, and A&B’s integration of “These Shoulders,” perhaps Julie Thompson’s finest moment on Anjunabeats. I also got this great photo which looks kinda like Deadmau5 lost in a crowd of ABGT partygoers:

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It was all so harsh, yet so gentle. All new, yet so old.

Observations 3 weeks after switching from Android to iOS

Much of this blog was originally about Android. I wrote numerous guides, longform articles, and lists about how to use Google’s mobile OS. Traffic grew exponentially after I began delving into how to use tools such as UCCW and Dashclock Widget on Nexus devices. After 1.5 years of my Android blogging, though, I tired out – I had plateaued with a Nexus 5 running mostly stock Google apps and a few cross-platform mainstays such as Pocket. I didn’t know what else to write without going into rooting etc., which didn’t interest me.

Earlier this month, I switched to an iPhone 6 Plus after 3+ years on Android. I got my first smartphone in 2011 – an HTC Inspire from AT&T – and then moved on to the Nexus 4 and the Nexus 5. The iPhone 5S, with its stunning camera and Touch ID, tempted me to jump the Android ship, but I held out, thinking that Apple would eventually make something bigger. They did, and I switched, realizing that the only thing that had prevented me from going to the iPhone had been screen size.

After three weeks with iOS, here are my three main reactions to switching:

Gaming performance
When I was an Android user, I regarded phones and tablets as secondary gaming devices – good for the occasional time-waster on the subway, but not for the “serious” experiences like the ones I got from my 3DS. The big screen iPhones have changed my outlook, not so much because of their GPUs and the Metal API (though both help), but because of battery life. The iPhone 6 Plus easily lasts the whole day even between podcasts, music, Pinterest and sessions of Plants vs. Zombies 2 and Plunder Pirates (and iOS exclusive for now – it went Metal before it went Android). On my Nexus 5, the battery would drop precipitously after just a few minutes of gaming. I couldn’t relax or give into the experience, but now I can. Skullduggery!, Mr. Crab, PvZ2: The app gap between iOS and Android is most pronounced in both the gaming selection and how each platform handles common games.

A world without the Web (browser)
Chrome was a mainstay of the Android experience, but Safari doesn’t hold the same centrality for me on iOS. I usually only end up there if something else sent its way. Native apps are better, and Spotlight Search, linked into DuckDuckGo, has all but eliminated my Googling. FeedWrangler takes care of RSS for the websites I usually check, anyway. The only thing I regularly use Safari for is the mobile Facebook site, since I don’t like how the Facebook iOS app affects battery life. Part of iOS’s strength here is in high-end immersive apps like Tweetbot, Vesper, and various games, which between them run the gamut of content consumption and creation.

The small stuff
Neither the Nexus 4 nor 5 shipped with bundled headphones or a podcast app. Both charged with microUSB, so the cable wasn’t reversible. I had to draw a pattern or enter a code to unlock, without the option to reliably use my fingerprint. These all sound like minor quibbles, but considering how many times a smartphone is looked at each day, they add up.

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